I pulled enough hair out of my shower drain yesterday to make a cat. If I keep collecting that and what comes out of my hair brushes each day, I think I can save a child in Africa. I don’t know what organization is turning old woman hair into milk or food but somebody should start doing it because it feels so wasteful to me. Certainly some brilliant person out there could figure out how to turn my hair into a sweater or a shoe or a schoolbook or something. I know my hair isn’t regenerating at the rate it comes out so I’m not quite sure how the system is working. I never really look at the back of my head so it’s possible I’m completely bald back there but I think as soon as we have a breeze in California I’ll be able to figure it out. If you ever see me in a seventies peasant dress and Teva sandals out and about with my hemp bag for groceries and my dream catcher key chain – please feel free to have me killed. If I have to decided to stop dying my hair and am sporting it’s naturally grey color – without hair product to stop the Jew frizz – I will understand if you gun me down in a cross walk. It will clearly be time. I don’t understand what age I’m supposed to start doing this but I’ve been seeing it more and more on older women and quite frankly it’s starting to scare me. If there’s some hippie 70’s fairy out there somewhere handing this shit out – and stealing women’s hair dye – I hope they didn’t get my address. I think it’s important to always dress the age you feel so I wore a tutu dress to work yesterday – enough said.
I cried four times at the office last night – and when your office is a stage filled with actors, tons of your friends, and a live audience – it can be a little embarrassing – especially if you’re in a tutu dress. It was just one year ago that my life was in a very different place. I had just quit a hideous job and I was terrified of losing my house. I didn’t know where I was going to work or even what I was going to do. Cut to last night which was my very first taping of my very first sitcom episode that will actually hit the airwaves this summer. Yes, some words I wrote were being performed for a national television show and at the age of 51, I had a totally new life experience that was exhilarating. That doesn’t happen to people often enough and I highly recommend it. Though it may be easier if you don’t have to do it in front of cameras, and lights. (Unless you’re me) If you want to wash away a nightmare – experiencing your absolute dream can do it in a flash and this dream has been a couple of decades in the making. I’m not quite sure how it happened or who I have to thank – other than my dear friend Dan – but today I believe someone is watching and listening and gently pushing. I only hope it’s a really long dream – and that I continue to deserve it.
On my way home from the show I stopped to give John the Homeless guy on my corner his daily allowance. He said “You look pretty tonight” – and I cried for the fifth time. Today I’m fixing the toilet chain that broke, buying dog food, and getting my roots done. But now I know – a girl can do more than just dream.