I’ve noticed a new trend happening in my world – a deafening wave of rudeness sweeping through the electronic or digital airwaves – leaving all forms of messages… unanswered. Now these days there are multiple ways of connecting and chatting with people – email, text, instagram, facebook, what’s app, etc. yet the more ways we have to communicate – the less amount of communication is happening. Let’s get this straight, I’m not your average bitch. If you send me a message – I will respond with such lightening speed you’ll think I’m hiding in your closet waiting for your email. I’ll ping back so instantly you’ll believe I really have nothing else going on in my life and I’ve been sitting and staring at my phone like Miss Havisham without the weird creepy old wedding dress. But the truth is – I’m so type A I can’t stand having unanswered messages on my phone or computer. People who have 471 unanswered emails is enough to give me hives for months. Those little “unread” dots stare at me like warning signs of an uncoming plague. Answer me. Answer me. Answer me. And so I do and as quickly as possible. I like to get shit off my digital plate. I actually enjoy texting. I was never a phone caller. I don’t like the long awkward breaks in silences. I feel uneasy when the conversation runs out and I hate the fact that I can’t multitask while talking on the phone. But more than that – I’m not a fan of how other people talk on the phone. If we’re chatting via the old Alexander Grahm Bell then I want your undivided attention. Don’t eat, wash dishes, talk to your kids, brush your teeth, play with your dogs etc. while I’m telling you about my very important day taking a new yoga instructor. I love when people yell at their kids while I’m on the phone with them. In fact, if you have kids – don’t fucking call me – ever. Now I do enjoy the catch up with an old friend phone call where you spend an hour on the phone because you haven’t spoken in forever. These are conversations I long for. But for the most part – thanks to instagram – everyone knows what you’re doing every second of the day so those calls have become slim to none. And so I’m a fan of texting. I don’t know and don’t need to know what you’re doing while we’re doing the tappy tappy thing.
Here’s the thing though, I seem to be increasingly alone in my love of texting. I’ll send someone a message like – “hey, want to have lunch tomorrow?” and I literally won’t hear back from them for hours sometimes days. Now no one I know is that busy. Nobody in my contacts list is running a business – or a country. I don’t understand what takes days to answer a text. I know you saw it. You’ve been posting and liking on your instagram account relentlessly for hours, days, sometimes a week. Is the response of a total stranger more important than responding to a friend? I have younger friends who say to me – Ugh I hate texting. Please explain to me the fucking difference between a text and an instagram message? Do you need me to send you a photo? Will that get you to respond to me? Do I need to send NUDES to get a rise out of your fingers? Trust me – nobody wants that. And it’s not just friends who suck at responding these days. Countless emails that I’ve sent to so called “business associates” are also going unanswered. You start an electronic conversation with someone and then and poof – they’re gone. They ask you for a recommendation for someone – and then weeks later you find out they hired that someone – and no one bothered to thank you. You do work for someone – communicating back and forth until they decide they’re done and then they disappear. You shouldn’t be allowed to ghost someone in the professional world. If someone sends you a request for help – answer them – even if that response is – sorry I can’t help you. IT’S NOT THAT HARD PEOPLE. I recently did a whole bunch of FREE (and quite frankly illegal) writing work for someone at a very large company who chatted with me during the process for weeks and then – I guess she decided that she didn’t want to continue this business relationship anymore. Communication cut off. Buh Bye. Thanks for playing. We shall now commence to pretend we never knew each other. This is wrong. This is shitty. This shouldn’t be allowed. I’m hoping a karmic shit storm rains down on her for this. Now again, I might be an unusual person when it comes to this but if you reach out to me I will respond to you. Unless I can tell that you are trying to do something creepy with me – like capture cook and eat me – I will help you any way I can. So if you’re one of those people with a ton of unanswered messages of any form on your phone – start responding. And a word of warning to all of the people I reach out to – if you don’t get back to me in 24 hours – you’re out of my contact list for good. Also, if I take the time to send you a note of encouragement and you don’t respond – expect to never hear encouragement from me again. Sure I don’t have a boyfriend, or kids or a job right now – LOSER? – but I know that when you need me you expect me to be there in a heartbeat – so now I’m expecting the same. If you think this is about you – it probably is. I love you all.