Published March 20, 2019 by WELCOME TO HEIDI

I hate drinking water.  Like… HATE. I’m never thirsty. It’s boring. I feel full. I have to pee every ten seconds… blah blah blah… water water water no thank you can i have a kombucha instead is that enough?  I know that water is good for you. It helps you sleep. (I never sleep enough) It helps your body move more fluidly. (I can hear my bones scraping against each other like sandpaper.) And yet – I don’t do it. I am a camel. My New Years resolution every single solitary year is – drink more water. Yeah, I like to keep it simple.  Every year I buy a new water bottle that will help inspire me to drink more and every year I leave that water bottle at a gym or yoga studio somewhere.  My DNA is so scattered all over Los Angeles right now I could be framed in 263 murders.

This week however – I truly learned the value of water and what happens to you if you don’t drink any. That’s right – I’m so bad at ADULTING that I  almost landed smack in the emergency room – again.

Saturday night I attended a friends engagement party.  I had this odd tender pain in  my lower left back. Back pain is nothing new to me. I’ve been experiencing some pretty bad back pain this past year but I had just read this remarkable book called HEALING BACK PAIN and found out that my pain was mostly ANGER.  And judging from the back pain I had – I am so very angry.  But the book was really helping me figure out where I was holding anxiety and anger and release it enough to release my back pain. So here I was thinking – who am I angry at? What am I angry over? I couldn’t find anything so I just figured I’d think happy thoughts and the spasms running through my back that night will be gone by morning. What a moron.

That night I couldn’t sleep. I could feel something truly aching in my back.  So I did what I normally do.  Ignore. Move on. It’s fine, says the woman whose appendix almost exploded because she doesn’t understand pain.  The thing is – I’m never sick so I never think it’s anything with my actual organs or body.  On Sunday it was fairly debilitating. On Monday, same. I pushed through. I went to yoga.  I had lunch with a friend who suggested reflexology.  “You need to find someone who can really get in there and work those knots out.” By Monday afternoon I knew something else was up. This isn’t my back. I texted my friend who’s a doctor and explained my symptoms.  Back spasms. Lower left back pain. Exhaustion. Slight nausea. Then I told him that not only had I not been drinking water but I had been drinking celery juice every morning instead.  He said two words KIDNEY INFECTION.  “Celery juice is amazing but very dehydrating.  Drink a ton of water and if you spike a fever go immediately to the hospital.” FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.  Suddenly I had chills. I started taking my temperature every ten minutes. How did I do this again? Am I so bad at taking care of myself  that I can’t even drink enough water to stay alive? I burst into tears, terrified at the thought of having to go back into the hospital. If you read my one and only experience you’ll understand why but it brings up a lot of bad feelings for me.  Among them – shitting my hospital gown. So I was not ready for an encore performance. I drank 9 liters of water. I did not sleep that night because I was peeing every ten minutes.  The next morning I went immediately to my doctors office and had it confirmed. Kidney Infection – early stages.

This is no joke. This could have gone very badly  had I not contacted a friend who was a doctor. What a ding bat. How do I not know the value of water at 58 years old?  I am currently on anti-biotics and I’m drinking lots of water. I don’t like it but I know what’s on the other side of not drinking it – an IV and a lot of ass hanging out of my hospital gown.

I am definitely on the mend and  I’m currently drinking lots of water.  Not as much as I’d like yet because I’m too busy driving around LA collecting all my water bottles to fill.




4 comments on “H2OhFuck

  • Glad you’re on the mend.
    I learned the hard way as well and suffer from diverticulitis. 🤷🏼‍♀️
    Love the blog, your writing is very funny and hits home often.
    Keep up the good work.

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