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All posts for the month September, 2013

Bowl Me Over

Published September 8, 2013 by WELCOME TO HEIDI

Last night on a beautiful balmy evening in Los Angeles – while I was innocently minding my own business over some grilled chicken, corn salad and chocolate bread pudding – something irrevocable happened. I changed my mind about the Hollywood Bowl – and now I fear – I may never get asked back. I used to say – I’ll go see anyone there. ANYONE. I am now forced to retract that statement, thanks to The Blue Man Group. Going to the Bowl is a wonderful experience, especially if you travel with my friends Kevin and Dan. I am lucky enough to get invited at least once a summer to their bowl box. After last night I may get booted to the back of the friends list. I looked a gift box in the mouth, and then laughed at it. Kevin and Dan have a bowl routine that would shame Martha Stewart into retirement. There are table cloths, stemware, flowers, homemade everything and they even had a small wooden piece of table cut to connect the two tables in a four seat box. These people do NOT fuck around. Last night – Dan was unavailable to go – I now know why – and Kevin asked me to be the fourth in a group that included one of the most powerful women in Hollywood and one of my favorite actresses of all time. I couldn’t say Fuck Yeah fast enough. Both of these women are amazing. I only had one caveat. “Don’t tell anyone I went to see Blue Man Group.” Now, I had never ever even seen them perform. In fact, I didn’t even know what they were about. But my instincts told me that seeing this act would be akin to going to a Carrot Top concert. My instincts were dead on. In fact – Carrot Top should be pissed that I put him in such retarded company. First of all – I can’t believe that blue shit is still just make up that can rub off. There was a spot on one of the guys shirts that bugged the shit out of me all night. But it’s more of what they do – or don’t do – that made me drop my jaw in amazement, and not in a good way. They play pvc pipe. Literally. They drum music on pvc pipes with some rubber spindle thingy’s. It’s so… 1980. In fact I think the decade called while I was watching the show and asked for their act back. I felt like I climbed in a time machine and went back to whenever this bull shit was created because they certainly haven’t updated it at all. I kept thinking, what the fuck is happening? Is this it? Do people actually pay to go see this? Can this much cheese fit in the Hollywood Bowl? I can’t believe I blew out my hair for this. Who the fucked booked this for the Bowl? I kept looking at my box mates. I may have actually done the whole finger gun in the mouth blowing my brains out routine once or ten times. This is the moment I believe I went too far. This is what will get me crossed off the cool kids at the bowl list. Oops. The night did end on a positive note thanks to the fact that that note did not come from the Blue Men Group. It came from a Brazilian group of musicians who brought the Bowl to life. I danced. I ooh’d over the fireworks. I almost forgot what I saw the previous two hours. Then on my way home I passed a giant billboard that said The Blue Men group are now performing at the Monte Carlo Hotel in Las Vegas. I think that’s exactly where they belong. Say hi to Carrot Top for me boys.