You Feel Me?

Published July 28, 2013 by WELCOME TO HEIDI

What started as a lovely Sunday morning of drinking coffee, adding to cart, and writing, has suddenly taken a turn for the worse thanks to an article a friend just posted on Facebook. It’s called “The top ten feelings to feel before you die” and it turns out – I have a slim to none chance of doing most of them.  This was more upsetting to me than finding out Whitney Cummings is dating Peter Berg and trust me – that was fucking upsetting.  Here is the list:

#1 – The feeling of holding your newborn for the first time.  Fuck you.  Not happening. Dead eggs.

#2 – The feeling of kissing your husband or wife on your wedding day. At this point – kissing my wife is a more likely outcome and I’m not gay.

#3 – The feeling of proposing marriage or saying yes to a marriage proposal. We’ll see about this one but quite frankly I’d sooner say yes to another breast reduction.

#4 – The feeling of holding your grandchild. See #1

#5 – The feeling of telling off your boss. Yay I did this one. Twice!

#6 – The feeling of having your heart broken. Why do we need this one? Feh. Been there done that bought the t shirt still wearing it don’t like it.

#7 – The feeling of watching your child take his or her first step. See #1 and #4 and BT Dubs – fuck you again.

#8 – The feeling of being hated for no reason. Yeah, not really into this.  I’d like to switch this one out for – the feeling of having no hate. We good? Good.

#9 – The feeling of caring for your parents. Seems a little on the nose to me.

#10 – The feeling of kissing the one you’re in love with. If this includes dogs – super.   Otherwise – quit it already.

The amount of things on this list that I won’t be able to complete is mind boggling. Does this mean I am set to live an unhappy second half of my life? Why must I constantly be reminded what a failure I am for not having children and getting married? Am I dead inside? According to this list – I will be soon. Look people, I am well aware that I may wake up one day and look around me and only see shoes and think – shit – I should have bought something else – like a husband and a family but – there isn’t much I can do about that.  So I’d like to offer a different list of feelings I think people should feel before they die.

#1 – The feeling that you truly like yourself and won’t be with someone unless they respect you as much as you respect yourself.

#2 – The feeling that you can provide for yourself.

#3 – The feeling of getting your dream job and seeing people react to what you do.

#4 – The feeling that if everything stays exactly the way it is right now at this point in time – that you’ve led a good life.

#5 – The feeling that someone needs you – even if that someone is three dogs.

At the end of the day I get it.  Making out is fun. Having someone in your life could be interesting. Children can be adorable. And a life without these things may not be in the cards. But come  on – “different” makes the world go round.  You feel me?

19 comments on “You Feel Me?

  • Rock on! Your list is so much better. The given list seems to focus on needing another person, yours is about being good with yourself!

  • Your list rocks! As a fellow “childless biatch” I salute you!! We will take weird cruises to no where before we regret anything!! 🙂

  • I feel you, more than you know, my love!!!! YOUR list made me smile to myself and feel happy/hopeful.. Their list was a bunch of bollocks and made me cringe consistently.

    Thank you for your list, and for being amazing 🙂


    Sent from my iPhone

  • #1 Don’t remember
    #2 Don’t remember
    #3 Don’t remember
    #4 Hopefully my children will not procreate
    #5 Does working for your husband & quitting (numerous times) count?
    #6 Like I want to remember this
    #7 Don’t remember
    #8 This is a bit strange how do you know? & the hater probably thinks they have a reason
    #9 Caring as in loving them or taking them to Dr.s etc. Dad is 94 and starting back to the YMCA w/ a personal trainer this is kinda of cool! He’s also very humorous (Dad that is).
    #10 I like this one, my husband (I call him the Barista because he roasts me coffee every week and makes me an Americana (equal parts) every morning) has the most wonderful lips! (14 years tomorrow)
    I also prefer your list, I believe people with kids try to make people without kids feel guilty because we secretly resent your freedom.
    I do love my daughter and son very much but there has been much pain and sadness also.

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