Turns out Billy Joel was wrong. There is no place in the world for the angry young man because he’s no longer at home with his back to the wall and his intentions are not good – he’s out there on the streets, blowing people up , shooting school kids, and his intentions are clear – he’s going to murder people because he’s lost his fucking mind. I think we need to spend a little less time trying to figure out how much weight Kim Kardashian has gained in her ass and figure out what the hell is going on with the young people in this country – whether they started here or moved here – something is awry with their brains and when they go all screwy – we’ve given them ample opportunity to arm themselves and take out whomever they choose. Remember the old days when a nerd got pissed? He didn’t get a gun. He didn’t build a pressure cooker pipe bomb. He became Bill Gates and learned how to say fuck you with his brain focused the right way. Maybe we should legalize prostitution and set up whore houses on high school and college campuses? Is it possible we’ve got a killer semen back up situation here? Get turned down enough for a date and some men will get a little heated. Perhaps free makeovers for nerds? I think if you have a nice haircut, clear skin and a cool pair of kicks – you might not feel like killing anyone. What about a psychology class where the teacher is actually analyzing her students? I’m all for free speech and blah blah America but maybe if you keep searching your internet for weird shit like how to build a bomb or how to kill a whole bunch of people at once – somebody gets to come to your house and check you out… for real. Enough eight year old boys dying and six year old girls losing their legs. Parents barely have time to grieve the deaths from one psychotic episode before another unfurls. Where the hell are we living anyway? I feel bad for Muslims in this country – every time they take one step forward – some nutbag whips them ten steps back. Today however – the angry young man takes a backseat to his female counterpart – the angriest sorority girl in America from the University of Maryland’s Delta Gamma chapter. She’s pissed. Super pissed. And she put it all in an email and sent it out chapter wide to all of her so called whiny little sisters. It starts with this…
“If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.”
Well, you can’t say she didn’t warn them. I don’t know who this chick is but I think she needs a major time out. “Fuck you you fucking fucks with your shitty shit faces” she writes. First of all – I love her writing style but she seems a little over the top just because her fellow delta gamma’s fucked up with a bunch of fraternity brothers.
“Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. “
Actually, I’m quite certain that Sigma Nu doesn’t care about you at all… they’re too busy bonding in some weird homoerotic way that they’ll pretend didn’t happen later in life. I can’t wait till this chick leaves college and realizes everything she cares about is stupid and doesn’t matter in the real fucking world. She did call them “ass hats” which I commend but other than that – she needs a chill pill the size of Maryland.
Maybe we need to take a note from the airlines and pump some mellow gas into our global cabin. Can everyone please relax. You’re missing life. And it’s kinda rad.