Once In Love With Amy…

Published April 12, 2013 by WELCOME TO HEIDI


I can’t remember the exact moment I first met Amy but I knew even then – she was special.  Amy was the first of her kind for our family so I didn’t have a lot to compare her too but for a baby, she seemed to be on the up and up. Sure she was just a blob that cried a lot but quite frankly at that point in my life – so was I. In fact, Amy and I had quite a bit in common.  We both drank from a bottle and no one seemed to understand a word we ever said.  The last would happily change for her – for me – not so much. This was the beginning of a beautiful relationship.  Amy is one of the few people in my life I have known since the very first day of her life – she is in fact – the first person to hold this distinction.  She is also – one of the very few people in my life – I truly love – in a gut wrenching – full on no questions asked unconditional kind of way.  She is beautiful, smart, quick witted and incredibly stylish… again – just like me. This kid is genius.  Even if she no longer is a kid. She will always be one to me since I completely forgot to have any. Amy is the closest I’ll ever get.  It’s a great system – I did none of the work but was there to watch it all go down.  My sister Wendy grew this one – and she did one hell of a job.  If you’re going to have a daughter – this is the cream of the daughter crop.  She is sharp and kind. A rare combination. Trust me, I have all the edge the family had and it’s hard finding the nice button.  This weekend – Amy is getting married.  I can’t even believe it sometimes.  How and when did this happen?  Wasn’t I just at her first ballet recital?  Didn’t I just wear goofy glasses and blow up shoes and dance at her sweet 16?  Didn’t I just make fun of her friends at her college graduation? Wasn’t she just drunk at my house in los angeles meeting kenny G in a bar?  Oops – sorry about that part Wendy.  I burst into tears every time I think of it. I am going to be the hottest menapausal mess at her wedding.  They may want to hide me in the back.  Nothing says crazy Aunt like smeared mascara and tulle.  I am quite certain I will look like the black swan.  It is a great moment in Clements/Purnell family history and the good news is – I love her husband to be.  He can handle the shit.  And by shit I mean the kind of business a Clements/Purnell chick can throw down and trust me – we throw hard. We leave a mark.  Dan – or Berman as he is known – is what they say when people say – oh you found your soul mate.  He is the Ying to Amy’s Yang.  They may both be Yangs actually but whatever it is, it works. They found each other.  And they have the Jackson family to thank.  That’s probably the first time anyone’s ever said – Tito is the reason I found the love of my life – but it’s true.  At least those fame suckers did one thing right.  They brought two jews together – other than their lawyers.  Dan only needs to remember one thing about the women in this family –  we don’t ask for much.  Actually we do. But fuck it – we’re worth it.  So, tomorrow night, while you’re doing whatever it is you do, say a prayer that I don’t completely break down at this most auspicious occasion – and wish this young couple well as they take on the world together.  I could not possibly be happier and they could not possibly be more perfect together.

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