Last night I went to a taping of Dancing With The Stars and came away with two big thoughts. #1 – I couldn’t possibly hate the warm up guy more. He should be fired or killed. And #2 – I’m going to kidnap Jiggy the Dog from RHOBH. There I was innocently sitting next to my friend Melissa – an actress – who was there to promote her new show in one of those fun audience cut aways they do – with me next to her looking like her short weird lesbian friend – I’m 5’4”, she’s 6’29”. Suddenly the camera was shoved up inside her head and I didn’t know where to look. Do I pretend I’m not in the shot and stare straight ahead at nothing while Tom Bergeron continues to talk about her or do I turn and smile at her as I sit awkwardly inches away from her face and pretend this is something normal that we do everyday? I did both. Neither were successful. Thankfully I didn’t see how it looked on t.v. It didn’t help that both of us had just finished weeping at Andy Dicks performance which in itself was quite the quagmire. It’s probably the first time Andy’s made people cry for the right reasons but it’s hard to believe he’s actually going to keep his shit together this time when it’s a reality show where he’s proclaiming he’s a new man. Granted – I’m menopausal and everything makes me cry right now. I’m sure viewers are trying to figure out what it is about Melissa’s new game show that makes her cry but oh well. However it was moments later when things got really weird. Suddenly out of nowhere – Lisa Vanderpump’s husband Ken appeared in the front row with their little dog Jiggy in his little Jiggy outfit. I’ve seen the dog on tv a gabillion times but never up close. Yes, Jiggy the dog’s weird furry feet were sitting just feet away from me. It was then I realized the true reality of the situation, that dog died ages ago and is now just stuffed. It didn’t move. It didn’t breathe. It was clearly the biggest scam pulled in reality tv history. Okay not that big. Then during the commercial break, Ken got up and placed Jiggy in Lisa’s dance set – a wedding gazebo which she was standing under with her partner. She was in her wedding dress and her partner in a tux. In front of them was a stuffed dog in it’s wedding dress and Jiggy was on a pillow next to her in his wedding tux. All I could think was – where is the Humane Society when you need them? Isn’t this a whole bunch of levels of wrong even if the dog isn’t really alive? Should Jiggy be forced into some weird television wedding with another stuffed dog? Am I the only one who thinks this is a travesty? Clearly I was. The cameras came back on – they got their shot of the creepy doggie wedding and Lisa went on with her dance. Thankfully when it was all over I finally saw that little doggie stick it’s tongue out – and I breathed a sigh of relief. Turns out Jiggy is alive and well and the only thing that died last night on Dancing With The Stars was Lisa’s cha cha.