The Girl Is Gone

Published January 6, 2013 by WELCOME TO HEIDI

For the fourth time in the past two years – my blog has led to an old boyfriend finding me – and reminding me – that I have in fact – been loved.  I forget sometimes. I’m so very busy complaining that I haven’t – and rewriting the way history actually happened – that I never dated anyone – which I most certainly did. It’s easier to imagine that you’ve never really been in love because if you were once than you still would be now right?  Last night while trying to finish off the end of a 7 day head cold – I watched one of my favorite episodes of Sex & The City.  It was the one where Carrie was desperately trying to get Aidan back after they had broken up because she cheated on him with Mr. Big.  She looked at him standing on his stoop and said – you clearly still have feelings for me, why won’t you take me back – and he said – YOU BROKE MY HEART!  And she ran away. It was such a great moment in girl tv but it’s not really the way things play out for girls in real life.  First of all, no girl in their right mind would have ever left Aidan.  He was perfect.  I once met the actor who played him and reacted in such a bizarre girly way he just stood there and laughed at me – but in a cute Aidan way.  Usually however, it’s the girl saying you broke my heart to the guy who left them weeks, months, or years before and has now come back to say – wow I really fucked up – can we try this again.  Usually it’s the girl yelling those words to the guy who didn’t realize until it was too late – that she was awesome and amazing.  I’m sure I broke a heart or two but there were also many times it happened after mine was already broken – by that very same person.  This friend – I’ll call him Michael because that’s his name – reminded me that yes – he too had come back – and yes – I was already gone.  He’s still really handsome so that may have been a dumb move on my part though he’s also working at an airport in Iraq.  Not really a place I’d fit in. I don’t think I’d look good in a Burka but mostly because I don’t have the right shoes to go with one.  On the other hand, I have mastered the art of the fake eyelash so at least I know that part would look good peaking through the slit.  As you can see, I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. But, when it comes to breakups for girls, once we’re done with you – we’re done – for good – unless we’re fake breaking up with you to get you to pay attention. This is also a pretty popular maneuver. One I was never good at. I don’t actually remember why we broke up or who broke up with whom but I remember that I was once again in a situation where I thought – I don’t think I should stand for this.  Yes, even in relationships I have always been Norma Rae – only I stand on the table and yell and then walk away.  I forget to make an actual point or an impact. But maybe I did.  Why after all, did this person wake up after thirty years of silence and say – today I’m going to find out whatever happened to Heidi Clements?  Maybe I have left my mark in the world of relationships if only to become the girl that boys didn’t forget.   If I’m the one they remember one morning while making tea over a hot plate in Kurdistan – I’m okay with that.


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