Secrets Out Bitches

Published December 11, 2012 by WELCOME TO HEIDI

 

I was lying in bed last night watching Real Housewives Of  Beverly Hills and eating a Greek Yogurt thinking two things – #1) I am totally going to follow this yogurt up with a loaf of cheese and some chocolate and #2) If Taylor says “I gained so much weight” one more time – I’m going to put tape on my t.v. over where her mouth is – so basically – over my entire screen.  During the RHOBH a commercial for the new Victoria’s Secret underwear line came on.  It was some Christmas line featuring tinsel and gold colored items and a whole lotta boob and ass.  Quite frankly, I’ve seen less racy videos on You Porn. I am constantly confused by these commercials and their placement in television shows that are predominately watched by women and gay men.  Who exactly are they selling too? Are they hoping to snag the one man that is watching or do they think women like watching women they will never look like prance around in their underwear giving their husbands erections they will probably never be able to give them?  If they’re trying to get a gay man to buy something for his bestie – they need to shove something down the front of those undies.  Back when I worked at an entertainment show we would always do segments on the Victoria’s Secret fashion shows and go behind the scenes and I never understood why.  First of all – the underwear is made like crap. If it lasts long enough to make it through an entire spin cycle – congratulations – you got the one pair.  It also doesn’t fit very well and it certainly doesn’t come in sizes for girls like me who have 30G boobs and yes I’m using the term girls loosely so get the fuck over it.  If a guy ever bought me something from that line I’d put him back in line at the correct store – Cosa Bella or La Perla. Maybe there’s some theory that women buy this stuff because they want to look like the women in the ads and I guess there is some truth to that somewhere but I’d like to remind those women that the women in those ads aren’t real women. They are dumb fembots. (That’s what I’m going with please don’t burst my bubble) I’m sure Victoria’s Secret sales are through the roof but if they’d like to sell more products to women like me they should do the one thing I’ve been begging for in their commercials.  Turn those bitches around and show me their cellulite and jiggly asses.  I know they haven’t worked out a day in their lives and if I see some bumpy flesh that looks like mine I will sign up in solidarity and buy the shit out of those thongs.  Let the secret out Victoria.  It’s time.

 

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