Watch It Fuckers

Published November 10, 2012 by WELCOME TO HEIDI

If you want to know if you’re the most annoying person on the planet – just answer this simple question.  When you walk into a room and people are discussing a particular television episode they’ve just watched do you yell, “Stop, Stop, Stop, I’m not caught up!” If so – congratulations – you win. You’re a douche.  I can’t tell you how many times a day someone enters a conversation I’m having about “Homeland” or “Dexter” or “The Real Housewives of Some Fucked up City” and shouts – “stop talking I haven’t seen that episode yet.” Or worse, they cover their ears and start yelling like a two year old throwing a tantrum.  Here’s an idea.  Start watching more television on time. I know you people have kids and lives and shit but seriously, put it on hold so you can watch things at the same time those of us with no lives are watching.  You’re bugging the shit out of me.  If you’re on baby sitting duty and you think Homeland is too violent – get a blindfold and some ear plugs for the kid, or better yet, realize they’re gonna see this shit later and just expose it to them already.   Have a dinner date you can’t cancel and The Real Housewives are on?  Cancel the date. That person clearly doesn’t understand your priorities anyway or they wouldn’t have asked you to go out to dinner when that show is on.  This shit needs to be witnessed live – as a collective. What happened to the days of people watching things as they aired?  I have things to talk about with you people! This is quickly surpassing my biggest pet peeve for people who are late – though it is quite similar.  If you aren’t going to watch things in a timely fashion and be part of the conversation then do me a favor – if you enter a room where people are discussing something you haven’t seen – back your lazy non tv watching ass out of that room and go do something you find more useful like feeding your kid, talking to your husband or wife, or answering emails.  By the way – you can do all of those things while watching television.  It’s called multi tasking people – get up on in it – because the next time you yell “Ahhhhhh don’t” when I’m about to discuss what NeeNee said to Kim – I’m gonna blow. If you want to watch important television that needs to be discussed immediately – start doing it. If you want to watch shows that have the shelf life of Velveeta Cheese or warrant no discussion whatsoever – that’s what Two Broke Girls is for.

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