Have you ever noticed that when you see a person on a jazzy (scooter) they are usually morbidly obese? I’m quite certain these marvels of modern technology were invented for people with real mobility issues – not for people who needed to wheel up more quickly to the steam tables at Hometown Buffet and roll away with a laden down tray without missing a beat. It seems that everything created for people with real problems are being used by people with “no” problems as in “no thanks, I’ve eaten enough.” I don’t have anything against morbidly obese people except the fact that they’re fat. Last night during yet another lovely bout with insomnia I caught a new commercial for a new rolling chair from The Scooter Store. The Scooter Store by the way is in New Braunfels Texas which is a portion of texas founded by german people – so now there are two things wrong with that particular city – nazi cowboys. The commercial for the new wheely chair asked some very important questions that even in my haze seemed to have one answer.
Do health issues limit your mobility: yes because I’m fat.
Is it difficult to get to the bathroom on your own: yes because I’m fat.
Do you feel like a bother to others due to your lack of mobility: yes because I’m fat.
Have you fallen in the past twelve months: yes because I’m fat.
If there’s a way to capitalize on people’s laziness, America will figure out how to do that. We excel in creating ways to make the simplest of tasks simpler. “Don’t go to the gym, strap on this belt that works out your abs while you eat.” Don’t get me wrong – I love eating and I hate working out but I also love being able to get myself from my television set to my bathroom without an assistant – though if I could find a hot male nurse to come over and walk me to the ladies room every now and then it wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Why isn’t someone spending more time creating delicious foods that don’t make us fat. I think Burger King, McDonalds and Taco Bel were created by Nazi’s as well. They probably live in New Braunfels Texas too. Perhaps we should launch an investigation into this town. It seems shady to me. Maybe area 51 is really zip code 78130. Just something to think about people.