Fat Finding Mission

Published July 13, 2012 by WELCOME TO HEIDI

“I can’t move much in bed, but I burn 500 calories a session –- it’s great exercise just jiggling around.”   Potter, who had been consuming 10,000 calories a day, hopes to reach her goal weight of 532 pounds with the help of Alex. The two have sex up to seven times each day.

And puke.  I don’t quite know where to start with this one.   There are so many hideously disturbing thoughts in just one little paragraph.  Ten thousand calories a day?  What does that look like?  I ate ten thousand calories last year.  Maybe.  I guess the most upsetting thing in the above quote however is that someone who wishes to reach a GOAL weight of 532 pounds is having sex way more often than me.  This woman is not just any woman either – she’s the heaviest woman in the world – 643 pounds of femme fatal if she sits on you.  And she’s having sex seven times a day.  Which is way more sex than me.  Now in order to have sex more often than me you just have to have sex.  So it’s not exactly hard to have more sex than me.   But still…. That’s a lot of woman having a lot of sex.  Who’s banging that seven times a day by the way?  I’m sorry but how do you find a vagina in that?  That’s one very skilled spelunker.   I don’t think sex is worth that much work but I could be wrong.  I do believe that if you gave most women the choice – a) have more sex or b) lose weight – they would definitely go with the b.  I know very few women who would pick “have more sex” and the ones who do pick “have more sex” are fucking liars.  Unless that sex is oral sex being performed to them on a loop – I think most women would give it up permanently if they could eat ten thousand calories a day and not gain weight.  And still if you gave women the choice – be eaten or eat – they’d pick eat.  If I had a genie that granted me three wishes at least two of them would be to eat whatever I want without gaining weight and the other would be the ability to blink a new pair of shoes onto my feet whenever I felt the need for new shoes – which is on a minute by minute basis.

The truth is, the best diet I know is envisioning people you really hate or people you think are totally gross – having sex.    After reading the story about the fat woman doing the horizontal mambo seven times a day – I no longer want a scoop of ice cream shoved between two brownie cookies.  Having envisioned what this woman may look like jiggling underneath her lover – I may never eat again.

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