When pondering the great differences in life between men and women – I present you with just one story that proves men may be retarded. Sorry. But it’s possible. If there was an off switch on your penises I think things would be different but the fact that you can’t shut that thing down can at times be your downfall. Case in point: my friend who’s a NYC emergency room doc told me about a guy who came in to the hospital complaining that he thought he had a terrible STD. She handed him a cup you’ve been handed a thousand times in life – and asked him to go give her a urine sample. He returned with a super cloudy – definitely suspect sample. She took it to the lab. The lab called to tell her – that was semen. And vomit. Even if we could produce semen this would never happen to a girl. We have our own issues but thankfully nothing to do with our sex organs or we’d probably explode. We do have an off switch. We use it almost every time we hear – “Hi honey, I’m home.”
I went to see the movie Savages last night – which I did not think was a very good movie but mostly because I thought it was a ridiculous premise. Oh and it had shite dialogue. I think my fifteen year old Chihuahua Lola wrote it. Here’s the concept: Two men risk their lives taking on the Mexican Drug Cartel to save a girl. Ha! That’s hilarious. No guy would do that. Maybe if you stole their dicks and kidnapped those they’d risk their lives to get them back but not some dumb blonde chick who wears hippie dresses and gives a good blow job. Well maybe if she gave a really good blow job. Don’t get me wrong – I like boys – I just find derailing them from their one track more and more difficult as I become older and more invisible as a possible train stop. Somebody should make a realistic love story about two guys dating the same girl. You know – where they pay her at the end and say goodnight. I once read that Oliver Stones mother gave him blow jobs in the shower when he was a kid. So this kind of explains everything.
I’m glad I live in a country where you can pretty much say and do whatever you want without fear of being dragged off and killed or imprisoned. There is a dog in Belfast Ireland right now who’s been in a cement box for two years because they have a law that doesn’t allow you to own a pit bull and if you do they take it from your home and kill it. It’s part of their Dangerous Dog Act. This dog isn’t a pit bull but he looks like one so they took him away from his family and they are going to kill him tomorrow. I think they should round up the guy from the emergency room who handed a semen sample to my friend. That’s a dangerous dog. Not Lennox.