Fifty Shades of Shut The Fuck Up

Published June 19, 2012 by WELCOME TO HEIDI

If one more person tells me to read “Fifty Shades of Grey” I will punch that person in the face.  They will probably like this however since they like books about S&M and bad shit happening to women in the name of love.  So, I may have to rethink the punishment.  Maybe I’ll make them wear an outfit by Laura Ashley.  Does she still design clothing that looks like couch covers?  Every girl goes through a Laura Ashley stage.  It’s usually around the time they buy painted furniture for their apartments and own an armoire.  Why do I need to read a book about a woman being tied up and raped? I already watch all the Law & Orders – even SVU without Chris Meloni which is also some form of punishment.    I’ve never been a romance novel reader so I’m already uninterested in this book but if you want to write a sexy fantasy book that would intrigue me just call it – Ryan Gosling Wants to Fuck You.   This is what I found inside a sample chapter from the Grey phenomenon – “Our fingers brush very briefly and the current is there again, zapping through me like I’ve touched an exposed wire.  I gasp involuntarily as I feel it all the way down to somewhere dark and unexplored.” There is no such thing as somewhere dark and unexplored.  We’ve explored it all – without you.

6 comments on “Fifty Shades of Shut The Fuck Up

  • THANK YOU! THANK YOU !!! THANK YOU!!!! I will never read that crappity smack 50 shades of grey. And you’re right…. SVU without Stabler is…. complete torture… I’m really starting to wonder how the heck is it, that you write a alot about the things I already thought and have felt for years…and years …and years.

  • YES. This post is EVERYTHING. LOL. I still have not read those crappy books nor seen the crappy movie(s). They make good fantasies, I guess, but they’re not so cute, are they, ladies, when president Drumpf is crowing about Grabbing Women by the Poo-nanny? And 70-year-old pervs like that octo-pig from Connecticut are pinching coworkers and bleating: ‘I don’t have to be PC anymore!’ Yes. Good news, fembots! Your non-consensual rape fantasies are now being enacted IRL by leering men who look like Hugh Hefner. Reminds me of that ‘Sex and the City’ ep (yes, dating myself) where Samantha slept with cringey gray ponytail guy because she feared her hot single days were over. When she snapped to her senses, she hightailed it out of there and renewed her cradle-robbing ways. Rock on, sister!

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